Monday, January 23, 2012
I'm learning how to TWEET~ lol....and in my quest to get in touch with those who need a voice until they can find their own I ran across a group called love_is not abuse. This is a group directed to teens find help if abuse is occurring in their relationship and to become aware of what to look for at such a young age within a relationship with another where abuse is concerned. love_is not abuse is hosting a TWEET session for the next three (3) Mondays on TWITTER with SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE from 4pm to 5pm EST. They will be asking for questions and answers in the forum and will RETWEET those chosen. Here is the link to the site for more information. If you know of a teen or you are a parent or advocate of those who suffer abuse or those at risk plan to make the time to be there. Something you ask or say can make all the difference.
http://loveisnotabuse.com/web/guest/announcements/-/journal_content/56/10123/214212/DEFAULT
http://loveisnotabuse.com/web/guest/announcements/-/journal_content/56/10123/214212/DEFAULT
Part of the reason I stayed in my marriage was because while on the surface, I appeared to be a woman who knew her value and could appreciate the value I saw others find in my actions......deep inside, I didn't know my actual self-worth. I had been taught all my life that I was a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me. That I was of infinite worth and that I mattered on all levels seen and unseen for the simple fact of my Divine heritage. I knew that on the surface. What I mean by knowing it on the surface is that I knew it because it was something that was talked about in my daily life as an LDS woman and as I taught my daughter to believe in herself. What I didn't know then and can see now in hindsight is that while I believed this superficially, deep inside I had been what my therapist calls "brainwashed". I had been deeply hurt and maligned into thinking that I was of absolutely no value unless "he" said I was. My ex-husband wanted his cake and to eat it all day and night too. He groomed me from our first days to believe that I was exactly what he said I was on any given day. This is why I was on an emotional roller coaster for 24 years (1 year of dating and living together and 23 years of marriage). After many years, when I sought for the healing in my soul and the capacity to forgive the things he had done and was doing to me, I began to refer to what went on in our home as a roller coaster. This is my first recollection of my wanting for something different and searching for a way to facilitate that change. For anyone looking in.....they would probably pinpoint me as the culprit or the operator of the ride. That said, I know that he was in control of my every move. Others wouldn't know because they couldn't be privy to our conversations. They would only be able to see my reactions to his heinous behavior on a daily basis. He often referred to me as being the cause of our problems......of course he did. I don't mean to sound flip. I simply want to place the responsibility of things where they belong. The ride began because although he was "grooming" me to do what he wanted...I was fighting it. Hence the roller coaster ride. In order to keep me on the tracks he had to continually show a force that would push against whatever emotions I was exhibiting while I struggled to come to terms with the confusion in my life. He is a very cunning man. He still does this today with my children. Abusers are smart....be it a man or a woman.....don't kid yourself and think they aren't. They are. I'm here to tell you......indeed they are.
I was a lost lost soul.
If you feel like you are on this same type of roller coaster.....STEP OFF. Evaluate your core beliefs and see if the way you are being treated by your partner is helping you grow or causing you to cower. If the treatment you are receiving doesn't facilitate physical, emotional and spiritual growth from within yourself then there is something amiss. It is more than okay to step off this ride. It will be scary and it won't feel right because you will not be doing what your partner wants you to do......but you have to begin to regain the respect for yourself that you need to become a healthy individual again. Our abusers would have us to think they can find someone better than us right around the corner. This isn't true. Heavenly Father made us each with our own set of unique qualities. We are truly of Divine Design.
YOU ARE OF INFINITE WORTH.................accept nothing less than the best treatment of you. You deserve all the good that is waiting for you.
PHOENIXRISING
I found this on a private FB page I frequent:
When you try to value yourself for being the best in something, you are bound to fail. Even Olympic champions are the best only for a few years. You are precious to God not because there is no one better than you, but because you are a unique creation of mind, body and spirit, there is no one like you, and that is exactly what makes you so indescribably precious. ~unknown
I was a lost lost soul.
If you feel like you are on this same type of roller coaster.....STEP OFF. Evaluate your core beliefs and see if the way you are being treated by your partner is helping you grow or causing you to cower. If the treatment you are receiving doesn't facilitate physical, emotional and spiritual growth from within yourself then there is something amiss. It is more than okay to step off this ride. It will be scary and it won't feel right because you will not be doing what your partner wants you to do......but you have to begin to regain the respect for yourself that you need to become a healthy individual again. Our abusers would have us to think they can find someone better than us right around the corner. This isn't true. Heavenly Father made us each with our own set of unique qualities. We are truly of Divine Design.
YOU ARE OF INFINITE WORTH.................accept nothing less than the best treatment of you. You deserve all the good that is waiting for you.
PHOENIXRISING
I found this on a private FB page I frequent:
When you try to value yourself for being the best in something, you are bound to fail. Even Olympic champions are the best only for a few years. You are precious to God not because there is no one better than you, but because you are a unique creation of mind, body and spirit, there is no one like you, and that is exactly what makes you so indescribably precious. ~unknown
Sunday, January 22, 2012
“If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues." -Thomas S Monson
"Current case studies and research show that cultivating and practicing gratitude can reduce symptoms in cases of mild to moderate depression and anxiety. Practicing gratitude can also lead to increases in optimism, vitality, happiness, a sense of well-being, and a greater satisfaction with life. Grateful people tend to generate more positive memories, reminding them of the good in their lives. Those with higher levels of gratitude are viewed as more empathetic and supportive, more forgiving, and more likely to assist others. Grateful people also report feeling less envious and more generous with their possessions. They thus enjoy better quality relationships.
"Gratitude also helps in coping with adversity. Those who practice it in times of adversity are more likely to seek and find a 'silver lining' in their experiences. Finally, those who try to feel greater levels of gratitude report fewer physical complaints, more time spent in physical exercise, and better sleep duration and quality." -Vaughn E. Worthen, Ph.D
"Current case studies and research show that cultivating and practicing gratitude can reduce symptoms in cases of mild to moderate depression and anxiety. Practicing gratitude can also lead to increases in optimism, vitality, happiness, a sense of well-being, and a greater satisfaction with life. Grateful people tend to generate more positive memories, reminding them of the good in their lives. Those with higher levels of gratitude are viewed as more empathetic and supportive, more forgiving, and more likely to assist others. Grateful people also report feeling less envious and more generous with their possessions. They thus enjoy better quality relationships.
"Gratitude also helps in coping with adversity. Those who practice it in times of adversity are more likely to seek and find a 'silver lining' in their experiences. Finally, those who try to feel greater levels of gratitude report fewer physical complaints, more time spent in physical exercise, and better sleep duration and quality." -Vaughn E. Worthen, Ph.D
My online persona as PHOENIXRISING was born years ago out of a need to feel connected with a different part within my soul which wanted healing as I struggled within my marriage. My then husband had had many affairs and the most recent finding of him with another woman sent me into a downward spiral where I learned slowly that I was in desperate need of mental health professionals to overcome what had been infused into my being.....that I must accept his behavior and forgive and keep quiet for the sake of a happy "looking" family. So, with the acquisition of the internet......I set forth on a search for information to help me learn how to heal. I believed I could envision change and that it would occur. While it is true that this can and does happen.......it only happens when you work hard at it. In layman's terms: you cannot will a pot of water to boil.....you must turn the heat up!
The PHOENIX rose from the depths of the ashes and was transformed anew. I am PHOENIXRISING in my world. I want you to be as well, in yours.
a little history of the Phoenix: A phoenix is a mythical bird with a colorful plumage and a tail of gold and scarlet (or purple, blue, and green according to some legends.) It has a 500 to 1000 year life-cycle, near the end of which it builds itself a nest of twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix or phoenix egg arises, reborn anew to live again. The new phoenix is destined to live as long as its old self. In some stories, the new phoenix embalms the ashes of its old self in an egg made of myrrh and deposits it in the Egyptian city of Heliopolis (literally "sun-city" in Greek). It is said that the bird's cry is that of a beautiful song. The Phoenix's ability to be reborn from its own ashes implies that it is immortal, though in some stories the new Phoenix is merely the offspring of the older one. In very few stories they are able to change into people (I found this on WikiPedia) and it is in keeping with the mythology that I learned in high school.
I have begun this blog in the hopes of helping women in the world come to an understanding of their eternal self-worth. Whatever life experience you come from you are of worth. I lived in an abusive marriage for 23 years. I came to find out that I was so entrenched in the idea of making my bad marriage work that I ignored all the signs of what my marriage really was and wasn't. I'm not an advocate of divorce for just any reason. I do believe many things in a marriage can be worked through and overcome. However, that said, I do believe that divorce is the final answer in very many cases and women often can't come to terms with it because we have been conditioned to take care of our "family" at all costs...which means in many of our minds....we stay in a bad even abusive marriage for the sake of having a mother and father in the home hoping against all odds that things will get better if we somehow do things differently. This is problematic in most cases because in a marriage, it takes both partners to influence change and it takes the work of both partners to facilitate change. In essence.....both partners have to want the change. This is rarely the case in an abusive situation.
I come before you a broken woman who is rising into the world as a transformed being. More positive and happy than I have been in many many years. I feel free to allow the healing finally and I want to share my experience with you. This blog is my place to heal from all the ills my ex husband imposed into my life by his heinous acts. I have many faults and I am far from perfect........but one of my faults is not the dissolution of my marriage. I simply carried the money to the lawyer and demanded that I be allowed to let out of the horrid situation my ex husband had created for our family. I am here not only to heal but to help. If I can be of service to anyone who comes to visit this page, reach out and ask...I am only a post away.
You are stronger than you think you are........keep good people around you and know you are loved.
PHOENIXRISING
The PHOENIX rose from the depths of the ashes and was transformed anew. I am PHOENIXRISING in my world. I want you to be as well, in yours.
a little history of the Phoenix: A phoenix is a mythical bird with a colorful plumage and a tail of gold and scarlet (or purple, blue, and green according to some legends.) It has a 500 to 1000 year life-cycle, near the end of which it builds itself a nest of twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix or phoenix egg arises, reborn anew to live again. The new phoenix is destined to live as long as its old self. In some stories, the new phoenix embalms the ashes of its old self in an egg made of myrrh and deposits it in the Egyptian city of Heliopolis (literally "sun-city" in Greek). It is said that the bird's cry is that of a beautiful song. The Phoenix's ability to be reborn from its own ashes implies that it is immortal, though in some stories the new Phoenix is merely the offspring of the older one. In very few stories they are able to change into people (I found this on WikiPedia) and it is in keeping with the mythology that I learned in high school.
I have begun this blog in the hopes of helping women in the world come to an understanding of their eternal self-worth. Whatever life experience you come from you are of worth. I lived in an abusive marriage for 23 years. I came to find out that I was so entrenched in the idea of making my bad marriage work that I ignored all the signs of what my marriage really was and wasn't. I'm not an advocate of divorce for just any reason. I do believe many things in a marriage can be worked through and overcome. However, that said, I do believe that divorce is the final answer in very many cases and women often can't come to terms with it because we have been conditioned to take care of our "family" at all costs...which means in many of our minds....we stay in a bad even abusive marriage for the sake of having a mother and father in the home hoping against all odds that things will get better if we somehow do things differently. This is problematic in most cases because in a marriage, it takes both partners to influence change and it takes the work of both partners to facilitate change. In essence.....both partners have to want the change. This is rarely the case in an abusive situation.
I come before you a broken woman who is rising into the world as a transformed being. More positive and happy than I have been in many many years. I feel free to allow the healing finally and I want to share my experience with you. This blog is my place to heal from all the ills my ex husband imposed into my life by his heinous acts. I have many faults and I am far from perfect........but one of my faults is not the dissolution of my marriage. I simply carried the money to the lawyer and demanded that I be allowed to let out of the horrid situation my ex husband had created for our family. I am here not only to heal but to help. If I can be of service to anyone who comes to visit this page, reach out and ask...I am only a post away.
You are stronger than you think you are........keep good people around you and know you are loved.
PHOENIXRISING
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